How Language Shapes Our Work with Neurodiverse Clients

What do you see?

Do you see what I see?

How do you know?

Language is often thought of as a fairly precise tool. We say what we want, and we mean what we say – or do we?

Language can be like our vision – how do we know what someone else means?

In terms of Transactional Analysis what we say can have two messages – a social message and a psychological message. This could be derived from the tone we use or the words we use.

So, thinking about words – if I say something, how do I know that you get my message or have interpreted it in your way, which could be different? This can have no consequence or can cause deep wounds.

I work in the field of neurodiversity a great deal. I also have a lived experience of neurodiversity, so I know what the term means to me. However, since it was coined by Judy Singer, it has come to mean many different things to many different people. In one way, the word being used at all, helps raise awareness of some differences between us all. However, it is not a one size fits all and so it can lead to many thinking they understand the term, but in reality, they do not at all. In some cases, people thoroughly object to using the term neurodiversity as it singles some out as being different. Why would we think the word lands the same for everyone anyway?

In coaching, we understand that there is a difference between intention and impact. Every brain is unique, every person is a one off. Consequently, we have to check in with meanings from words to ensure we are talking about the same thing. When people are neurodiverse, often there has been much masking; sometimes the psychological meaning of words is different or indeed, lost; occasionally there is a deep mistrust of their interpretation as they seem to so often get it wrong.

When we speak to others, we have three clear choices:

We can ignore what they say.
We can assume we know what they mean.
We can check-in and ensure we understand what they mean.

I am wondering now, if I consider choice No. 3 enough in my daily life or do I simply assume that I know!?

How about you…?

Explore ways of engaging with our clients and things to consider when coaching those who may or may not identify as neurodiverse with Mandy’s Approaching Neurodiversity as a Coach programme on Monday, April 7, 2025, 10am – 12pm (London time). Register now!

Mandy Dennison, PCC is a coach, trainer, mentor and facilitator. She works with organisations and individuals to help them realise their full potential.

Mandy began life as a scientist, with an interest in Neuroscience. Realising people, rather than labs, was her passion, she then moved into the Education sector, as a teacher first, rising to Senior Leader, Coach for management training and OFSTED Inspector supporting school improvement, by working with teams and individuals. This led to a shift into coaching full-time as this was an area of particular fascination.

Mandy is a tutor and mentor for those training to become ICF accredited coaches. She is described as bringing energy, passion and humility to her role. She is enthusiastic about others joining the coaching industry and as such is encouraging whilst maintaining an adherence to the standards and ethics of coaching practice. She has also been on the Board of the UK chapter of the ICF as the Director of Engagement, as she believes in giving back and supporting others on their journey.

Mandy regularly coaches in a one-to-one capacity in the Neurodiversity field, an area of real passion, where she supports those at all levels from junior employees, through to C-Suite to develop a deeper understanding of themselves. (She also delivers organisational training around this area.) She also carries out leadership coaching and personal coaching.

Mandy also has experience in working with organisations to develop a “coaching culture” and to train managers and leaders into a “coaching style”.