What your coaching presence says about you as a coach

Have you ever paused to consider what you’re communicating to your client through your coaching presence?

Initially, this might seem like a strange question; surely, coaching presence is simply about how you’re showing up and being with your client in each moment during a coaching session. However, as you deepen your understanding of presence, it takes on new significance and walks hand in hand with who you are as a coach and your coaching philosophy.

What is Presence, Really?

Etymologically, presence derives from the Latin word praesentia. Prae implies a sense of being in front of something, and sentia relates to feeling or perception.  Based on this, coaching presence could be viewed as the feeling or perception that arises within me, as the coach, when I am in front of a coaching client.

However, that’s only half the story!

Coaching presence isn’t just concerned with the coach. Coaching is a relational process; both the coach and the client will have feelings and perceptions that arise as a result of being in each other’s presence.

How Does Presence Work Between Us?

While our feelings and perceptions are based on our lived experiences, they will arise from our experiencing the other’s being in each moment. In other words, how I am being in a coaching session will inform the client’s perception of my presence, and vice versa.

Imagine working with a client who is being resistant and disengaged throughout the coaching session. How would you experience the presence between you in that instance? How would this impact you and your ability to be present? Suppose it shifts you from being present to the experience and moves you into your analytical mind instead. Now, you might find yourself working hard to overcome the client’s resistance or become frustrated and switch into a more prescriptive or directive mode. Perhaps you now view the client as a problem to be fixed, or conclude that they aren’t ready to be coached, or that you’re not a very good coach.

Alternatively, suppose you stay present and notice the resistance and disengagement. You name it without judgment, coming from a place of curiosity and invite the client to dwell in the present moment with you. You might ask questions such as “What are you noticing?” or “How are you experiencing this moment?”. By staying present and curious, you’re both holding space to allow new insights to arise and unfold. There’s no agenda to fix or instigate change required.

What Do Your Beliefs Reveal?

Your ability to be present is not only influenced by your experience of being with your client, but also by your own lived experiences. Your family life, education, religion, and culture (to name but a few) will have shaped your beliefs about you and your role as a coach. What you believe will impact how you are being. How you are being will affect how a client perceives your presence. This perception will influence how they feel.  How they feel will determine the depth and success of the coaching engagement.

For example, if I believe that my clients expect me to provide solutions or want me to offer advice, that will impact my presence during coaching sessions. Rather than being open to whatever is unfolding, I’ll be more attuned to opportunities where I can provide solutions or give advice. And in being this way, I might start to speak more often or for longer, perhaps even interrupting the client more frequently. Questions might start to become more leading or closed as I work to bring the client to a solution rather than being open, curious and genuinely exploratory. And this disruption to the field of presence can also be evident in my non-verbal communication, with increased movement, shifts in posture, or a change in speed and energy as I sense the client is seeing the solution I’m working towards.

Or for new coaches who are working on integrating or developing specific coaching skills or competencies. While focusing on developing these skills is an essential part of learning the science of coaching, the coach’s presence will be impacted because they are consciously choosing to focus on these development areas. For example, suppose a coach is working towards gaining clearer measures of an outcome. In that case, they may become so focused that they fail to notice energetic shifts or limiting beliefs that are unrelated to establishing a measure.

What Do Clients Actually Experience?

Clients may initially appear to be happy for the coach to take on the responsibility of problem-solving and offering solutions. Today’s fast-paced world demands quick fixes. However, in doing so, the coach is potentially rescuing the client and robbing them of the opportunity to connect and discover something much more profound. By slowing down, holding space, and being present with no agenda to change or fix, a more transformational and enduring change will occur.

However, slowing down can be uncomfortable for the client, especially when compared to the relief that a quick fix might offer. Yet, like a butterfly emerging from its chrysalis, there are no shortcuts, and the process can be uncomfortable and difficult. Growth occurs when we’re able to embrace the discomfort and step outside of our comfort zone.

Take a moment to consider how comfortable you might be with having no change agenda when working with your clients. If you’re uncomfortable, your client will pick up on this: sensing energy isn’t exclusive to coaches. They’ll notice when we’re working too hard, trying to lead them somewhere, holding back, judging, assuming or holding limiting beliefs about what might be possible for them.  We might never verbally express this, but clients will know. Those who want to please you as a coach won’t say anything; those who lack confidence and self-efficacy will blame themselves, and others might become frustrated with you or with coaching and conclude that it’s just not right for them.

Taking time to reflect.

Hopefully, you’re starting to realise the richness and value of working to deepen your coaching presence.  It may appear quite simple, yet it’s interconnected with our beliefs, values, experiences, and wider systemic influences that impact our way of being with clients.

Allow yourself a few minutes to reflect on the following questions as a starting point for exploring and deepening your presence:

• What do I truly believe about coaching and my role as a coach?
• How does this show up in my work with clients? How do my clients experience it?
• When do I notice my presence shifting during sessions? What triggers this?
• How do I experience times when I’m not being authentic to my coaching beliefs?

What Happens When We Are Deeply Present?

For me, when I’m being deeply, truly, and resonantly present with a client, I’m holding a space that’s free of any agenda to change, control or manipulate. Being free of an agenda opens up space for genuine curiosity about what is emerging moment by moment. It’s in these moments that we both experience the living embodiment of Carl Rogers’ paradox of change, as we accept what is present, change happens. However, I’m also human; sometimes my presence will ebb and flow like a tide, revealing learning edges for me to explore and grow into. As long as I’m alive, life will continue to unfold, and I will learn, grow and evolve not only as a coach but as a human being. My goal isn’t to become a ‘great’ coach. Instead, it’s about getting to know the parts of me that are preventing the greatness that is already there from being free to shine.

At the outset, I asked what you might be communicating to your client through your coaching presence. I wonder what your answer might be now? For me, I hope it’s an absolute, embodied belief that my client already has access to everything they need within themselves and that, through a safe, trusting, and reflective space, we can explore together. What about you?

Go beyond what presence looks like and explore who the coach is when they are truly present with Stephen’s Deepening Your Coaching Presence programme on Friday 10 & 24 October from 1-4 p.m. (London time). Earn 7 ICF CCE credits. Register now!