Why my inner world is my biggest advantage (and why it might be yours too)

When I first jumped into the coaching world, I was totally buzzing with excitement and this huge desire to make a real difference. My early days were a blur of trying to learn everything. I soaked up every theory, dug into countless marketing plans, and chased every client-getting trick that promised growth. Like a lot of people starting out in any field, I was convinced that success was mostly about what you did outside yourself, with fancy systems, big networks, perfectly polished services. For a good while, that seemed to work. I was definitely “doing” all the right stuff, checking off the boxes, and feeling like I was on the right track.

But as I kept going on my coaching journey, something started to hit me. It became clear that my most powerful, unique, and ultimately most effective advantage wasn’t something I could find in a textbook, an online course, or pick up from a business guru. No, this incredibly valuable thing was actually much closer to home, tucked deep inside my own head and heart. This wasn’t just a surprising personal discovery for my own coaching, it was a basic truth I’ve seen play out again and again with the many coaches I’ve had the chance to guide and support.

This vulnerability is often hidden. Coaches are perceived as grounded, wise, and self-aware and many of us are. But this public identity can make it harder to admit when we’re struggling. We internalise the idea that we must model perpetual balance and clarity, even when we feel overwhelmed. And so, the very people tasked with guiding others through change may find themselves stuck in silent cycles of depletion.

We train in coaching models, ethics, and powerful interventions. But what about the day in, day out reality of holding space for others? It can feel like walking a tightrope.

• The International Coaching Federation’s 2024 Snapshot Survey¹ revealed that 85% of coaches are hearing increasing requests from clients seeking help with mental wellbeing, and 72% of in-house coaches feel they need more training to address it effectively.
• In one study across various coaching roles, 78% of clients cited career issues as their main reason for coaching, while 60% mentioned personal life struggles.

What does this mean for us? We’re becoming first responders for emotional stress, and without our own toolkit topped up, we’re at risk.

We, as coaches are vulnerable to burnout, because the many qualities that makes someone a great coach (empathy, dedication, and a commitment to helping others achieve their goals), are the same traits that can lead to burnout, such as:

Emotional Load

• Coaching requires deep emotional involvement, which can be exhausting.

High Expectations

• Coaches may place too much pressure on themselves to ensure client success, leading to feelings of inadequacy.

Lack of Boundaries

• Struggles with setting personal boundaries can lead to overwork.

Isolation

• Many coaches work independently, lacking peer support systems or sufficient supervision for restoration.

This subtle, yet seriously strong force is what truly makes what I do, and what you do, so much better. When I make an effort to build a rich, tough, and insightful inner world, I’m not just boosting my personal well-being (though, trust me, that’s a huge and welcome bonus!) I’m actually giving myself an “unseen edge”. This intangible but powerful advantage shows up in many interconnected ways, as a clear gut feeling that guides my questions in sessions, a solid presence that calmly holds the space for clients to be really vulnerable, and a deep, understanding connection that lets me truly see, hear, and grasp what my clients are going through at a fundamental level. What still amazes me is how directly this inner work leads to more significant breakthroughs for my clients.

I’ve learned from a lot from personal experience, when my well-being takes a hit, even in small, seemingly unimportant ways, it’s not just my day that feels off. The impact is felt throughout the whole coaching relationship. Unlike other jobs, I can’t just “leave it at the door.”  How I’m doing internally always shows up in my work, in my coaching sessions. If I’m anxious, exhausted, or emotionally tapped out, it impacts the coaching space I’m trying to hold, even if I’m trying to push through it.

The Hidden Needs I Didn’t Know I Was Missing

Some of the things that have had the biggest impact on my well-being weren’t obvious at all. Quite often, the most important and critical needs are precisely the ones I don’t even consciously realise I’m missing, quietly but steadily chipping away at my overall ability and effectiveness. They crept in quietly. Here are a few I’ve come to recognise in myself (they maybe different for you):

Actually feeling my own feelings

I’m great at helping clients name and process their emotions. But for a long time, I didn’t give myself the same permission. I’d push through sadness, downplay frustration, keep going even when I was depleted, all for the good of others.

Eventually, those feelings started to show up in other ways: overworking, perfectionism, a little humming of numbness I couldn’t quite shake. Now I make space for all of it, not just because it helps me feel better, but because it helps me coach better.

The need for connection

You’d think being in deep conversation all day would feel help with being connected. However, coaching is often one way, I’m holding the space, listening, supporting and if I’m not intentionally creating space for mutual relationships (somewhere I can show up as me) I can feel lonely.

Having safe, nourishing connections outside my work keeps me grounded and reminds me I’m a human first, coach second. That social wellbeing is as important and one I sometimes lose focus of when I get busy.

Staying in alignment

I started coaching with a clear sense of purpose, but slowly, I noticed how easy it was to drift. I started to say “yes” to things out of obligation and to take on more than I could hold. The comparison to what others were doing, knocking me off my path.

Even small shifts out of alignment created a quiet kind of unease, so now I check in with myself regularly: Is this still true for me? Does this still fit? If the answer’s no, I make changes, even when it’s uncomfortable.

Building a Life That Supports the Work

Well-being isn’t something I squeeze in anymore, I design my life and day around it. That means setting boundaries, building space into my calendar, and honouring my own rhythms.

This doesn’t mean I never have busy days, trust me, as a working parent, sometimes my diary is not my own. I’m taxiing my children from their clubs or social life, so it’s not easy to find the spaces all the time. However, now, I catch the signs early and I don’t wait for burnout to course correct. I treat my well-being like brushing my teeth, small daily actions that keep things clean and clear before problems build up.

No matter how seasoned I get, I still need spaces where I can be held, heard, and challenged. That’s why I created regular check-ins as part of the Cultivating Well-being for Coaches and Clients programme.

These sessions give me and other coaches a space to reflect, reset, and reconnect, not from a crisis, but from care.

That’s why the programme comes with regular check-ins, because they offer:

• Clarity: Sometimes I don’t know what’s off until I say it out loud.
• Accountability: Having a cohort of like minded people, at a point in time, gently reminding me of what matters most keeps me from drifting.
• Perspective: When I’m deep in my own stuff, it’s hard to zoom out and talking it through helps.
• Safety: Coaching can be emotionally heavy and we need places to put down that weight, even just for a moment.

Honestly, if I’ve learned one thing, it’s this, ongoing support isn’t a luxury, it’s the smartest, most sustainable investment I can make, for myself and my business.

The Bottom Line

This work we do, coaching, is beautiful, powerful, and real, but it also asks a lot of us, and the only way I’ve found to keep showing up with heart, presence, and integrity is to take care of the person doing the showing up: me.

If you want to support and nourish your inner edge, come join me on the next cohort of Cultivating Well-being for Coaches & their Clients. 

To learn more about the connection between well-being and coaching, check out Look Beyond the Surface.

¹ – https://coachingfederation.org/blog/new-research-from-the-international-coaching-federation-highlights-trends-in-workplace-burnout/

If you would like to start on the sustainable journey to wellness, join us for the next cohort of Cultivating Well-being in Coaches and their Clients CPD programme on 18 September with a follow-up session on 30 October. Register now!